A Different Approach to Consequential Decisions
The Crossroads Experience
Heaviness in the chest, tightening of the neck, falling asleep on the couch watching the latest episode then wide awake, mind racing when head hits pillow. Incessant demands, expectations, and responsibilities. Cortisol spikes, irritation everywhere. Frustration permeating one’s whole being. The powerful feeling of “stuckness” is pervasive. Pockets of hope. Flashes of fulfillment as “what ifs” flitter by. But, it’s hard to know what to do.
This is the experience of the crossroads – the decision that, once made, cascades through all aspects of one’s life.
Uncertainty abounds: what the crossroads is actually about, what decisions actually need to be made, what outcomes are actually expected (or hoped for). Only one thing is certain: the moment is here and something needs to be done about it.
Traditional Approaches and Mixed Results
We have all tried the traditional approaches to resolving crossroads situations. We share with our partners, close friends and family, seek the guidance of confidants and advisors, draft endless pros and cons lists, steal moments of journaling and quiet reflection, read authoritative books, listen to podcasts, pray – all with varying degrees of success. Progress is parceled out, incrementally, piece by piece, but not in a cohesive, comprehensive way that generates robust clarity and grounded surety. The gut: that inner instinct, whispers and impresses, but, even then, questions linger: “What is it really ‘saying’? “Can it be trusted?” “What do I do, exactly?”
All the time, energy, strain. Mind taxed, spirit weighed down. The talking, sharing, thinking. Exhaustion. Yet, the fog of uncertainty remains.
An Alternative Approach
There is another way: discernment. Discernment is structured observation, reflection, testing, and judgement. By practicing discernment the contours of the crossroads become manifest. Values, responsibilities, constraints, and aspirations are identified, mapped, and weighed. Resources are recognized and catalogued. Strengths and weaknesses are acknowledged, accounted for, and leveraged. The unknown (and its companions anxiety and fear) is replaced with robust understanding of context, actuality, and possibility. Hope moves from wistful optimism to empowered action.
Climate and Contours of Discernment
Discernment unfolds between conversation and stillness, observation and creation, thought and practice. It thrives on radical honesty, recognizing and owning truths - truths that can be invigorating and truths that can be difficult to own. No doubt, discernment can be difficult; but, the rewards are manifold.
The primary instruments of discernment are observation, naming, reflection, iteration, and living. The practice of discernment does not disregard traditional approaches, but integrates them into a coherent, intentional framework. Like tools in a toolbox, each is used at the appropriate time and to achieve a distinct purpose. The most important resource for discernment, however, is not a process or a method or a hack – it is YOU.
A Personalized Experience
Discernment is fundamentally unique in every single case. Each of us has our own journey, story, ideal self. Our own commitments, abilities, passions, drives, and dreams. Each crossroads, therefore, must be approached as such. Discernment is a tailored experience that draws upon the best of contemporary and long-standing approaches in order to illuminate your crossroads and your path.
Moving Beyond the Crossroads
Discernment empowers us to stand at the crossroads differently. It replaces anxiety with groundedness. Fear with courage. Ignorance with knowledge. It opens our chest, calms our mind, relaxes our spirit. Breathing slows, vision broadens. We see, smell, hear our situation vividly. We stand tall, centered, and knowing, truly knowing, the nature of our crossroads and the different options (and outcomes) before us. Now, we are ready to step confidently toward our path beyond the crossroads.
Discernment does not promise bliss nor ease; but, it can deliver habitable decisions made with integrity.
Decisions that one can stand by and live with.